S1 E30 Why do I cry? A follow-up to “welcome to my sh*t show..” (Dominican Republic)
I know people are curious about why I was crying and for whatever reason, I needed to share not only my sailing journey, but also my story. I just wanted to re-iterate that this is MY story. This is about the decisions *I* made and why I cry. While it's not sailing related, the subject at hand is something that I will be working through as I sail around the world. This adventure is something I've wanted to do for a long time, but it hasn't been without any pain. That being said, I know I'm not the only one.
I'm grateful to you for taking the time to start following my journey and get to know me a little better. I hope you continue to tag along because I'd like to keep sharing my adventure with you.
Thank you for your support.
Here’s the letter to myself I read at the end of the video:
Dear Nicole, you’re growing normally. You’re beautiful as you are. Do not succumb to fear or shame. You’re proportionate and innocent, a child of Mother Nature. Let yourself live that way.
But if you’d rather know deep pain and survive true agony.. be consumed by regret, denial and confusion.. regain sanity.. then close your eyes and let him mark you with a ruler and a pen, and fall asleep beneath a knife to wake physically less than when you began.
Everyday for ten years (and likely even more), you’ll steady your gaze above your chest. You’ll avoid the numbness, skirt the stretch marks. You’ll cringe at the scars that form a crest. You’ll cry until you can hardly breathe, and you’ll scream out in fear at the uncertainties. You’ll find comfort in the option of taking your own life. You’ll be quiet to avoid their absurdities.
You’ll wonder who loves you and who you can trust, if, despite what you’ve lost, you’re still enough. You’ll shudder at the thought of unconditional love and you’ll feel trapped in a body you hate. You’ll freeze during intimacy, doubt your worth and your beauty and cringe at a compliment or secure opportunity. You’ll fear you’ve been set up to break.
You’ll mourn what was taken and plead truth for what you’ve gained. You’ll wonder if you’ll grow tired of the sorrow and become curious about the pain. You’ll look far and wide for peace and strength hoping it exists somewhere out there, and when you get tired of searching you’ll start to look inward but fear the trauma is too much to bear.
You’ll convince yourself to live just one more day, one day at a time. Asking “why me,” you’ll cry in spare moments, thinking you’re a living lie. You’ll be angry you lost what was yours to enjoy, what was yours to protect and shine. You’ll wonder the reason, if there’s a reward, if one day you’ll be like, “that’s why.”
In ten years you’ll come to embrace what’s happened, but a decade of healing is much too shy. Dear child, like the wounds the trauma will subside, but the scars will exist past the day that you die.
You’ll begin to realize that what happened to you was wrong and your anger will start to abate. You’ll try to see beauty, find people who love you, and allow others to carry this weight. It may seem like you did, but you haven’t lost everything. Girl, you still have fate.
If you prefer to know the depths of your strength, to bond with the souls of other women, to will your empty heart to the brim with forgiveness and compassion.. then cry through the slicing, the suturing, the healing, sob through the numbness and the pain, disconnect from the trauma of losing sensation and seeing the scars that prove the maim.
If you want to meet people who can relate, who too have found the power inside, if you want to understand the value of your voice and the importance of trusting your inner guide.. if you want to learn what it means to look inward, to grow, to experience pure life.. if you want to know Fear so you can know Love, my dear, go and sharpen the knife.
Nicole, you’re growing normally. You’re beautiful as you are. Do not succumb to fear or shame. You’re proportionate and innocent, a child of Mother Nature. Let yourself live that way.
Sailing Artha
I’m on a giant adventure
Channel Information:
Social Media Links:
Support Sailing Artha
At WeBoating.com, we profoundly acknowledge the unwavering dedication that Sailing Artha and other creators invests in crafting each and every video. Their passion for delivering exceptional content shines through every frame, and it's a labor of love that deserves your attention.
We invite you to watch their captivating videos and actively engage with their content, including their social media links above. Liking, commenting, and sharing their work goes a long way in fueling their creative fire.
We're also inviting you to explore any sponsorships and partnerships highlighted in the "S1 E30 Why do I cry? A follow-up to “welcome to my sh*t show..” (Dominican Republic)" video description, or directly on YouTube. By considering their offerings or purchasing services and items, you not only support Sailing Artha but also the brands and collaborators they're associated with.
If you have any feedback, corrections, or additional information about Sailing Artha or their videos, please use the comment form below to share your thoughts with us.
Thank you for being a part of our community and supporting the creators we cherish. Your time and support truly matter!
Sailing Artha Lastest Videos
Showing 1-6 of 136 results
S3E45 Replacing my Yanmar 3GM30F raw water pump
It was a Sunday and freezing cold, but I had nothing to do and why not putter away on a little boat project? One thing I can cross off my list! ~~~ Hi there, I’m Nicole Demetra 👋🏼 an author, seamstress, Kripalu Yoga teacher, single-handed sailor,...
S3E44 Artha plays in the wind again
James and I took Artha for a lovely afternoon sail.
S3E43 Puttering on the boat – bimini frame almost done
I've started missing working on boat projects. my friends are re-inspiring me to get back out to sea.
S3E42 I think I’ve changed my mind!
Video says it all.
Lightning in the worst storm I’ve been in
I am not a poet, and I am not a dancer, but I like to do both. ~ ~ ~ Hi there, I’m Nicole Demetra 👋🏼 an author, seamstress, Kripalu Yoga teacher, single-handed sailor, and world traveler, living in recovery from compulsive eating and codependency...